I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
