I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I want a musical about memes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
