He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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