Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
