i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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