woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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