My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
