oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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