Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Fuck appropriateness.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
