she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
