Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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