We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
