My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
