he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
