he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
