I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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