apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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