i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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