first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
