had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
