ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
