Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Randomize
