May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
