I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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