ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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