I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
