guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
