I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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