Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
