whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You took a bar mat shot.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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