Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
