I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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