I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
