Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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