Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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