Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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