I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
