I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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