but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
