I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
