There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The best revenge is premature balding
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
