dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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