I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
