There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
