There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't believe i had my finger in that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
