This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
