i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
