just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
