I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
