Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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