I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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