all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
