I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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