I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
