I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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