I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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