I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
