Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize