I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
third nipple confirmed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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