I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never underestimate the power of titties
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
