come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
